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10 Surprising Reasons You're Not Having an Orgasm
Not only are sky-high heels just plain painful to walk in, but wearing them can also have deforming effects on your psoas muscles, which connect with muscles and nerves that lead to your pelvic floor, genitalia, and related organs, says Eden Fromberg, D.O., founder of Holistic Gynecology New York. "When your psoas muscles are sticky and tense due to prolonged high heel wear, they can't transmit the arousal message necessary for orgasm," she explains. Avoid wearing them as much as possible, opting for more comfortable, supportive footwear instead.
You're not a mind reader, and neither is your partner. So staying silent about what really turns you on isn't going to help you climax. Plus, every woman's body parts are shaped slightly different, so motions and angles that feel amazing for one person just don't do it for another, Dr. Van Kirk says. The lesson here: speak up. "Sometimes a groan or a touch of the hand can make all of the difference," she says. If they still don't get it, tell them directly, or move their hand exactly where you want it. Most consider it a huge turn-on to see a woman so confident in bed.
Being vocal during sex has been proven to work wonders for women, as it can allow you to orgasm longer, harder, and more often, says Laurel House, relationship expert and author ofScrewing the Rules. So when something really turns you on, say it — whether it's through a moan, quietly saying "right there," or screaming "yes!" If that feels uncomfortable after a few tries, House suggests heightening your sensory experience. "Take in the feeling of skin-to-skin contact; enjoy the pressure of your partner's body pressing down on yours,"she says. Embracing these sensations will help you tune out the world and focus on maximizing your experience.
Oxytocin, nicknamed the "feel good" or "love" hormone, goes hand-in-hand with orgasms, Dr. Van Kirk says. If your body isn't producing enough of it, climaxing can be more difficult. Stress can be a major reason for low oxytocin production, but spending more time with your partner, looking into their eyes, holding hands, and kissing have all been proven to boost production of the hormone. Have a furry friend? Researchers believe that cuddling with a pet also prompts the release of oxytocin.
How frequently you pleasure yourself can directly affect your chances of reaching orgasm when you're with your partner, Dr. Van Kirk says. Why? A woman's ability to fantasize and use her imagination during masturbation can help her unleash her creative inhibitions in bed, and it helps her learn exactly how and where she likes to be touched. To up your chances of achieving orgasm with a partner, Jenny Block, author of,recommends masturbating a few times a week.
Everyone knows to pee right after sex to help prevent a urinary tract infection, but it's smart to go beforehand too. "It can be incredibly hard to reach orgasm when your bladder is full," Block says. The reason is simple: Instead of being in the moment, you're constantly feeling the pressure to pee, and praying you don'tactuallydo so in bed. If there's no way you're going to make it to the end, Dr. Van Kirk suggests slipping out of bed to dim the lights, lighting a candle, and encouraging your partner to masturbate while you take a quick pee break.
When you're taught to be in control of every aspect of your life, it can be tough to do the exact opposite in bed. But refusing to let go could be the reason you're unable to orgasm because, well, orgasms tend to take over as they move throughout your body. But if just the thought of that gives you heart palpitations, don't freak out — you don't lose complete control over your body. At most, your body may shake and your vaginal wall muscles contract, Block says. Remind yourself of that when you're in the moment, and as sensations start to build, keep breathing and try to let your body go with it.
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